I'm really no expert on marriage. I've only been a wife for 15 months, and I'm still trying to figure out how to do it right. The amount of Christian marital advice I've come across over the past year and a half has admittedly been overwhelming, but the other day I found something that was too great not to share.
I came across this great blog written by a Christian wife who shared a creative little ritual that she and her husband do every week. (Check out the original source here.) It seemed easy enough to implement, so I decided to try it this week with Austin. It consists of 5 simple questions that you and your spouse sit down and discuss once a week. They're simple enough to go through in about 20 minutes (which is awesome if your husband is like mine and hates relationship talks!), but I've found that they have a lasting impact on my attitude and my actions towards Austin throughout the rest of the week. Let's get to it!
1) How did you feel loved this past week?
It's really important for me to take a minute and think about how I felt loved by my husband over the past week rather than what went wrong, what irritated me, what I didn't like, etc. When you focus on the positive moments, you tend to remember them more readily than the negative. It's helpful to get Austin's perspective on what I did right and what I did that worked for him. This week, I told Austin that I felt loved when he stayed up late to help me plan my best friend's bridal shower, and I learned that he felt loved when I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his willingness to help. It was cool to realize that we'd felt loved by each other without even trying!
2) What does your upcoming week look like?
This one is pretty self explanatory. It gives us a chance to discuss our individual work schedules, to-do lists, finances, and goals for the week. It helps us make sure that we're on the same page about what the upcoming week has in store and what we'll need the other person's help with in the days ahead.
3) How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, so I feel most loved by Austin through his encouraging words and compliments. And a little snuggling never hurts either. Austin's more of a words of affirmation/quality time guy, so he feels most loved when I verbally affirm him and when we spend time hanging out together. It helps me focus on loving my husband better throughout the week when I get practical suggestions from him about his wants and needs. Likewise, if I need more love in a certain area, our Sunday night chats create a great, non-threatening opportunity to voice my needs to him.
4) How would you like to incorporate sex/intimacy in our marriage this week?
Let's be honest, even married couples can find sex to be an awkward topic to discuss, but it's of vital importance to the health of our relationship. In the throws of two busy schedules, it helps us to discuss our expectations regarding sex openly and honestly during our Sunday night huddle. For super busy couples, it might even be useful to “schedule” it on a calendar. Because I'm big on physical touch, it's important to me to have time with Austin where we're by ourselves and can be physically close, even if that doesn't involve sex. Physical and emotional intimacy is often just as important to wives as sex is to husbands. The important thing is to make sure that both people are open and honest about their needs in this area.
5) How can I pray for you this week?
I've tried to be more intentional recently about praying for my husband on a regular basis. I pray for his spiritual health, for wisdom, for his ability to serve the Kingdom, and for his ability to be a leader in our marriage. When we ask each other how we can pray for one another, it creates a safe space for me to share my struggles and what's going on in my heart. It also reminds me to keep praying for Austin consistently throughout the week. It's a great way to end our Sunday night huddle.
This exercise has been really useful for us as we learn how to communicate with each other and figure out how to do marriage well. Try it out for yourself and enjoy the results!
