Where We Go From Here

As soon as I discovered that I was pregnant a week and a half ago, I knew that this part was going to be hard. I knew it meant that we were going to have to make some difficult, hard decisions only 4 days after we landed in Uganda for what I thought would be another 6 months to 1 year of ministry with Sixty Feet. I also knew that this was always a possibility – that when we decided to give up control in determining when we would have children back in November, things would happen according to God’s timetable and not our own.

Austin and I went out to dinner the evening that I told him about the pregnancy. We had decided beforehand to not talk about our long-term plans that night, but just to revel in the happiness of that day. But as I picked at my California roll and sipped my glass bottle of Coke, I think the weight of that decision became too much for us to ignore. What do we do now? We just got here. This is all happening so fast.

I think we both knew the answer already, but neither one of us wanted to say it. Austin tentatively spoke up first. “So, I think we need to go home…” The more I let that sit and marinate in my mind, the more I knew that he was right.

There are so many things that we are not ready for right now. We are not in a position to financially support a child in Uganda. I feel so far removed from my family here and would be brokenhearted for them to miss this entire pregnancy, or to have a niece/nephew/grandchild that they do not know and have never met. I suddenly felt the immense pressure of being responsible for another human life. Our baby is depending on us for comfort and stability. I want to provide the very best life that I can for our child. It all seems like too much to try to take on ourselves. At the heart of it all, we really don’t know what we’re doing yet or how to be excellent parents.

We had lots of intentional conversations with our director, Boog, and his wife, Flo. We talked with Dan, our Sixty Feet president. All of these conversation echoed the feeling that we already had. It’s time to close this chapter for now and go home. This is not the place for us to try and figure all of this out. Many American families do deliver and raise children in Uganda, but that is not where our hearts are right now. In our case, that would not be a wise or responsible decision.

So, after lots of prayer and consideration, Austin and I have decided that we will be leaving Uganda on Friday, January 31st and returning home to live in Phoenix. We are excited about pursing this new chapter of our lives and feeling that familiar comfort of stability again. Austin will be returning to school to pursue a second bachelor’s degree and will be working full time. I will be returning to work as a pediatric nurse, but probably in a part-time capacity. The specifics and individual jobs are not set in stone, but we have definite goals in place. We want to be in our own place again by the time our baby arrives. We want to have health insurance and a good amount in savings. We want to make sure that we are caring for our baby in the most responsible way that we can. It will take a lot of work, but I know that we will get there eventually.

At first, I was a little irritated that I hadn't thought to take a pregnancy test before we left for Uganda. I mean, realistically, if we had known I was pregnant before we left, we probably never would have stepped foot on the plane and would have just saved the cost of that very expensive trans-Atlantic airfare. But I know that God was doing this on purpose. I know that there is a reason why the thought didn't enter my brain until we landed on Ugandan soil. We needed closure. It would have been so hard for us to say “See ya later,” to all the staff and children that we love and then never see them again. Also, at the heart of it all, there is no place I would have rather been when we discovered this incredible news. These people are our family. They share our joys and are burdened with our concerns. This place feels like home. There is nowhere else I would have rather been to discover this incredible, miraculous, life-changing reality. We needed this last month here to come to terms with everything that we've done and experienced over the last year and learn how to turn the page to the next chapter that God has placed before us.

We are so grateful for the love and support of our friends and family during these past 13 months. Our hearts are somewhat torn between what we love doing and what is best for our family right now, and I know that peace with both of those things will come with time. We are immensely blessed to have had the opportunity to serve with this incredible organization and to make a real impact in the lives of many vulnerable children. We are now only beginning to process what life will look like for us moving forward. But we are moving ahead confidently, assured that He is already there and that we have fulfilled this part of our calling to the best of our abilities. I’m so excited to watch the puzzle pieces fall into place.

“The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” Psalm 29:11