Leading Up to Our Miracle

In case the news hasn't already been properly shared, Austin and I thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first baby! I am pregnant! I still can't believe how this amazing story has come together. God is so faithful and good and I am overjoyed to become a mommy this year to a precious, sweet bundle of joy.

In mid-November, Austin and I had a semi-spontaneous conversation about family expansion. We had never seriously considered the possibility before this time, but on one cool evening in November, the thought suddenly hit me. I wanted to have a baby. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to open ourselves up to the possibility of allowing God to bless us with a baby when the time was right. Austin agreed, and for the first time in our 2.5 years of marriage, I knew that we were both ready to be parents. I began to prepare myself for what I thought would be the long and difficult process of trying to conceive our first child.

When I was 19 years old, I was diagnosed with an endocrine disorder called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The manifestations of this syndrome differ from woman to woman, but the hallmarks include ovaries that are often enlarged and covered in cysts and irregular or absent monthly cycles. I experienced both of these issues for years before I was formally diagnosed, and I understood early on that this could possibly mean that I would have a difficult time conceiving a baby someday.

Wanting to prepare myself for the worst, I went and made an appointment to see my mom (my own personal nurse practitioner) in mid-December to see how things were shaping up in our new family expansion plan. My mom ordered an ultrasound of my ovaries and, sure enough, they looked like a hot mess. Classically cystic. Misbehaving. We came up with a game plan of a few new medications to try in order to help my body learn to regulate my cycles on its own, but I still couldn't help but feel disheartened and hopeless.

I remember getting into the car after that appointment and crying, convinced that I would never experience the beautiful gift of motherhood without immense struggle and heartache. I prayed on the way home that God would give me the courage to lay this mess at the foot of His cross. That I would trust Him to resurrect this dream when the time was right. Little did I know that He was already working, that I would unknowingly conceive our precious baby that very week.

Austin and I returned to Uganda for another year of full-time ministry with Sixty Feet on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014, after two months at home with our families for the holidays. Though I am always prone to severe jet lag, something about this trip just really sucked the life out of me. The night we arrived, I went to bed at 6:30 PM and slept until 5 AM. The next day, I made it only until 3:30 PM and slept until about 6 the next morning. Not only did I feel totally, unusually sleepy, I felt like I had no energy. Even the smallest, simplest tasks felt like they required too much effort. Austin laughed at me on Thursday morning when he walked into our bedroom and found me putting on my makeup sitting on the floor. Even standing up for more than a few minutes at a time was just too much work!

Despite the fact that this fatigue was clearly abnormal, I didn't register it as suspicious in my mind. The only thing that did concern me was the fact that I felt SO sick all the time. As soon as the New Year came and went, I felt like I lived in a constant state of mild to moderate nausea. I never vomited once, but my appetite decreased and suddenly all food sounded terrible. I remember walking into our kitchen in Uganda on Saturday to try and get some food down. One of my favorite snacks has always been pretzels dipped in Nutella. Having both ingredients on hand, I put one of the sweet, salty, chocolately Nutella pretzels in my mouth and it tasted TERRIBLE! I instantly wanted to throw up, even though this has always been a favorite treat of mine.

A few weeks prior, I started a new medication in an effort to help regulate and control my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and I had been warned by my mom that the primary side effects of this new medicine were gastrointestinal upset and nausea. Because of that, I still didn't register the nausea and lack of appetite as coming from another source. I just remember HATING all 1500 mg of that medication for making me feel so sick!

On Saturday afternoon, after another full day of laying in bed and trying not to vomit, I remember complaining to Austin about the overwhelming, constant nausea I was experiencing. He half-jokingly told me that I was having a baby. I vehemently denied this possibility, knowing that such things do not happen so quickly and easily for women with PCOS. It's a marathon, not a sprint. We'll probably be trying for at least 6 months to a year. It HAS to be the new medication. I didn't even entertain his idea as a realistic suggestion.

I finally sent my pregnant older sister, Lara, a Facebook message complaining about my 2 week stint of nausea and fatigue. I mostly wanted to whine to her about how sick this medicine was making me feel, and I knew she would give me some sympathy. Instead, she told me that was I was experiencing sounded a whole lot like pregnancy and that I should take a test, without getting my hopes up, just to rule out the possibility.

At that point, I knew that taking a test wouldn't hurt. I went to sleep on Saturday night and had a strange, vivid dream about buying 4 pregnancy tests at a store in the U.S. I woke up early on Sunday morning, January 12th, with this overwhelming feeling that I NEEDED to go buy a pregnancy test. I got dressed quickly and drove down to a small, local grocery store to buy some bread and water and a few other items. On the way home, I stopped at a small pharmacy and bought 2 pregnancy test strips for a total of 3,000 Ugandan Shillings, which is the equivalent of about $1.25. I came home, put the groceries away, washed the morning dishes, and went upstairs to our bathroom to take the first test.

I had decided beforehand not to tell Austin about this whole thing, honestly because I just didn't think that pregnancy was even a realistic possibility. As I walked into the bathroom, I remember coaching myself, “Okay, you've done this before. Don't get your hopes up. We're just ruling this out. Expect it to be negative so you don't feel disappointed.”

Without giving too much detail, I will tell you that the pregnancy tests in Uganda do not function the same way as pregnancy tests in the States. Tests in the States can be left on the counter unattended for 5 minutes while you distract yourself with something else. Tests in Uganda develop in less than 30 seconds, but you have to sit there and hold them and watch them process. I remember glancing at my test strip as the first pink line appeared almost immediately. ''Okay, so that must be the control line,” I thought to myself. But subconsciously, I started to panic a little. I think I secretly knew that that line was too far down the strip to be the control line. Sure enough, a second pink line appeared just a few seconds after the first. I stared at the strip and blinked. My heart dropped into my stomach. I remember that my hands started shaking. I kept saying, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” over and over. I just couldn't believe it! What I was seeing was a clear-as-day, no questions about it positive pregnancy test!

I took a few more minutes to compose myself. Austin was in our bedroom right outside the door and I wanted to keep it a secret from him for just a few hours more until I could tell him in a fun, memorable way, which will be the subject of my next post.

Since I've rambled on enough about the events leading to our positive pregnancy test, I'll stop there for today. I still can't believe that Austin and I are going to be parents. God is so good, and he gives us such incredible gifts! We are blessed!

Two pink lines change everything...